On Skin

Today I want to talk about skin. This content is particularly significant to me because it marks the first in a series of candid posts. I'll admit, it took a lot of willpower to publicize this because opening up about my own issues with skin hasn't always been in my comfort zone; however, I think it's important. My intention in posting is to further positive conversation about all skin types, as well as help people develop solutions to the struggles I identify with. I aspire to start publishing similar material so that my readers feel a sense of acceptance in their vulnerable endeavors. My only regrets from struggling with acne are failing to communicate about it when it plagued me and allowing it to affect me in the ways it did. My dermatology appointments since middle school led me to try nearly every topical cream and medication, often with fail to commence my concerns and resulting insecurities. Due to this experience in-part, I've found that social media often distorts reality by alluding to a state of constant perfection. For many users, including myself, this fails to reflect our daily lives and heightens persisting inhibitions. The flourishment of businesses and individuals from opportunities that, would otherwise abstain from existence, models the balance in terms of these platforms. We often blame "society" for the tenacity of surfaced dialogue and; furthermore, our ensuing feelings of inadequacy. For those of us who desire to end these negative trends, we must understand that society remains manmade and further the positive aspects of rising technology. With that in mind, we must also take accountability for our behavior on and off-line. This very conclusion motivated me to publish this. 

My skin has gone through several periods in which it is "crystal-clear" for months on end, then acne-ridden the following year. Due to this, I understand what it is like to feel "confident in your own skin" and also succumb to the shelter of your room in avoidance of showcasing an apparent "embarrassing" appearance. It extended to efforts of circumvention surrounding going out on a regular basis and every time I strove past this, I applied layers of makeup as well as avoided eye-contact, close proximity or conversation all-together. The moments that were meant to be fun and efficaciously resonate with me were plagued with internal worries that others would notice my flaws and think less of me because of it. During my first year of college, I still battled acne and put makeup on almost anytime I left my room, including when I went to the bathroom or got water in my dorm. I feared so little as a glance from another person that I may perceive as judgemental.

I consider myself a feminist because I have always been outspoken about the value of girls exceeding our looks. I felt like a hypocrite for a long time because, while I may have preached these ideals, they remained mere words as I failed to live by them. Instead of valuing myself beyond my own vanity, I isolated myself out of fear that I neglected beauty standards. It's easy to live by these statements when you feel that you meet these ideals, and significantly harder when you don't. I'm no longer resentful of my skin concerns because it has given me the tools to understand the extremity of placing individuals "in a box", whether it be surrounding their social identity, intellectual capabilities, variable interests, or outward appearance. I've gradually noticed that the various other moments in which I've fallen into this habit have been some of my unhappiest. For example, as a young girl, I didn't travel a lot and remained stuck in an exceedingly one-dimensional image of myself that I couldn't even imagine going to another country. I now understand this anxiety as an extension of my confusion surrounding the differentiation between cultural norms that I couldn't comprehend as a young girl. Specifically, the mold I tried so hard to fit in my hometown wasn't of the same nature in another nation or school, for that matter. I'm now grateful for this reality and instead of finding it overwhelming, it reverberates as freeing. The same can be said for skin. You don't need to maintain clear skin or a size 0 to be beautiful nor do you have to attend Harvard to be smart. My insecurities gave me the strength to take accountability for my part in the experience as a whole. I was placing myself in a box. Once I acknowledged this reality, I recognized that no one fits a set of characteristics for their entire life nor should they because it's unsustainable and boring. The acceptance of this as fact brought me to build on other talents. 

Losing hope for clear skin inspired me to center on strengthening other facets, including my intelligence and general demeanor.  I thought more about the kind of person I wanted to be and concluded that I could use this challenge to grow into that. Ironically, I became more confident than I ever was before because I finally focused on what makes me me, and that is definitely not my skin. I considered the types of people I enjoy being around and realized that I find people with variable layers the most fascinating. My ability to develop into a multifaceted individual and understand a wide range of viewpoints remains a quality I continue to assemble and merit. With that being said, I question if I would have been pushed out of my comfort zone enough to learn these critical lessons without experiencing discomfort with myself. This galvanized me to adopt a new outlook on hardship; while it's unpleasant (noted, acne remains the least of many's worries), augmenting from it helps bring perspective on current and future stressors, as well as life in general. For individuals compromising with their unique circumstances, use it as a form of education rather than viewing it as a disservice or inconvenience.

As you have probably heard, there is only one you, meaning that you remain the only person who can fully embrace and utilize your exclusive potential. When Georgia Gibbs, app-developer, Anybody Co. founder; model; Youtuber; and activist, posted a photo on her Instagram with a corresponding video opening up about her personal struggles with acne, I felt empowered. It helped me understand that there are other women who can relate to me; strong, capable, successful, awe-worthy women for that matter. The difference between her and I in this instance, outside of her other achievements, remained her ability to grow past self-doubt and express her very-real experience. She dismantled every previous view I had of acne, perceptions of myself included, because of her approach to it. I thought this woman is so cool and she actually shares in some of my struggles, maybe I'm not abnormal after all. Not only was she able to open up about this, but she also posts tutorials on handling anxiety and other pressures, promotes body positivity, activates for women in agriculture, and is an all-around badass! She mentions that we "treat a symptom and not the root cause", and I couldn't agree more. Rather than allowing yourself to be consumed by a pressing issue, delve into self-care foremost so that you can offer love to those around you, as well as feel that in return. 

This inspired me to adopt the same principles and uplifting display of confidence. Many other women have continued to activate for the same dialogue, including Kendall Jenner and Sami Clarke. I feel lucky to grow up in an era where this positivity is no longer dismantled but encouraged. I know now that my true friends would never think differently of me based on something so surface-level and ridiculous. The same can be said for a partner. You should never love yourself based on the size of your waist, amount of likes you get, or clarity of your skin nor should you promote that valuation of yourself to others. After all, it's 2019 and the push for greater realism reigns supreme and that is a good thing. Use it to your advantage. 

Until next time! 

- Alex